its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
