WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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