Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
