sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
