Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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