Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
