alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize