Plan B is the new Plan A
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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