i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
