True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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