No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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