So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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