I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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