i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
