my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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