the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
