I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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