just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
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