so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
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