True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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