Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
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