is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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