like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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