Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
