Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
