I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
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