so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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