Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
organizing the empties. That sober.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
