My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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