Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
