Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
