I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
