WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
