then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Randomize
