Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
