I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
