So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
