Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
