Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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