is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
