96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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