Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
