Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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