Ambien. No doubt about it.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize