went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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