Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
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