why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize