Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
