sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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