I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
