Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Someone came in the potted fern
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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