Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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