Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
