This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Randomize
