last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
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