I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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