I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Randomize
