Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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