If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
