They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
