Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
