My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
