she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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