census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize