did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Randomize
