is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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