I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
