listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
