mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
