I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
