The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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