i don't like sucking hair
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
